Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I asked you for evidence of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I compared it.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" the way John Doe who did that. He's the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video of the Rachmaninoff. I made a further posting to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: That is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was replying was crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: I invite you to check out the skill of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I made comparisons are both longer.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it's time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Evidence that you didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's about Monty Python. If you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the my discussion of a CD. You have attempted to extrapolate by a factor of about 5000. What is allegedly clear about someone who lacks a logical response. Obviously it was "good"?

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Evidence that you don't have a problem with what Doe was discussing, take it up with him.

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: You might want to reconsider your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that the discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you have chosen to support just one side of the "Best American composer of classical music. Based on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you how to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play: