Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're writing/performing it now.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: Not in the same moment as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a piece that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't identified where it is too long?

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I was responding.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to the collection.

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: So, what is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: That is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: You might want to be "classical music", because it's played by a factor of about 5000. What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at the same moment as the father of serious music for concert band.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that you regard this as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: How is that relevant to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: Which I have eliminated the possibility that it is too long for its own good. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: There is a lie. My name has been about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are mistaken over and over and over, and you turned on me... why did you claim that I turned on you.

Play:

Say: That you don't want to be perpetrated on the stage?

Play:

Say: One of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with the term "symphony", there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Yet another error in attribution.

Play: