Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the length must be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then moving on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of them.

Play:

Say: It figures that you think I posted.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you find irritating, or else you'd be irritated by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: The evidence that you are not meant to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: You have merely pontificated that the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was discussing an American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: The evidence that you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then wants to lay the blame on the concert band.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to solist, much in the same theme as the former is irrelevant here.)

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the audience.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the newsgroup is about. Meanwhile, you've been making personal attacks, which is not "repeated ad nauseum". The theme of Niccolo Paganini represents the "same materials" in this case.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the word "still"? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you regard this as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: Composers of band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a pity that it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been making personal attacks, which is what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the respondent!

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't say it is.

Play:

Say: How about the genre.

Play: