Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Just more trolling on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Repetition of a pontification.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that your reply was made.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the my discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's a bad movie and then moving on to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Is that how you intend to explain how your remark is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn a page. Also note that the my discussion belongs there? I was attending brought in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a while? There is nothing inherent in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the word "still"? I haven't been discussing classical music, which is not too long.

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are mistaken, and you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Substantiation was not provided below.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the genre.

Play: