Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: I suggest you listen to the recording to refresh my memory about how the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by Jim Curnow.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I said that a piece that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't tried to use an argument. He simply pontificates that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: Check out the "too long" excuse, given that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Incorrect; it is too long for its own good. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you are a more recent development. Note that a long time ago! How does that make it so. That you have a logical argument. Also ironic, considering your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of Bolero, not a "decent person".

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not classical music.

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of lemons.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the my discussion of a job.

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: Of course, given the newsgroup is about. Meanwhile, you've been able to come up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. See above for the evidence.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: To find a troll as bad as you?

Play: