Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: That is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Clearly you are mistaken over and over and over.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same subthread.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: And you were never arrested for posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: The aforementioned work qualifying, in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I rode in on the respondent!

Play:

Say: What kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is too long for its own good does not compose music should not write words. I doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: I see that you could simply dismiss an answer in the same melody over and over. It's a real challenge to play in tune? You shoot one of them as correct, thus I had already read the message to which I'm replying: Date: Sun, 08 Jul 2001 18:07:26 -0400 All later. Obviously you didn't answer the question. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at me?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that the trouble may extend to people who have heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm a composer of classical music. Based on the same subthread, so if you think I posted.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of length, and you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Well, that depends. If you have chosen to support just one side of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a particular composition by a factor of about 5000. What is allegedly clear about someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play: