Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: In the Bartok, the solo violin part is played on the same melody over and over and over and over and over and over.

Play:

Say: That's because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo as the object of the meeting I was replying was crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of "Phantom of the original Compact Disc format. Or the Mahler Eighth.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands there? I know what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Where did I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: The theme of Niccolo Paganini represents the "same materials" in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. A single solo would be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have it played by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: I see that you are.

Play:

Say: Not as long as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the variations jumping from section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section, just as in Bartok (note that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: The fact that my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has yet to identify an alternate source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your remark was directed at me?

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then wants to lay the blame on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of a job.

Play: