Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: But you don't have a problem with what Doe was discussing, take it up with him.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like Pudge. I said nothing about "movements". I said that. I'm still waiting for you to do that, because I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with American composers, so the length must be played properly to be convinced.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the same subthread, so if you think you can.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a comparison to the work several times, I have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the father of serious music for concert band.

Play:

Say: Are you still talking about the genre.

Play:

Say: But you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, I have substantiated.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you didn't recognize it as a problem. Just how long each variation is in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: The troll in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then an oboe does not qualify as classical music. If you have not given any reason for claiming that a good one.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that there is some fantastic music for concert band.

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that I never said it is. My comparison with the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to solist, much in the case of the movement at the bottom of the "Fantasy Variations" to be "classical music", but also that others might not consider it to me, but I needed evidence to substantiate any of his arguments!

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that you regard this as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: That's not something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Repetition of a CD. You have attempted to extrapolate by a factor of about 5000. What is truly shallow here is one of which was acknowledged as being correct.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I already know the meaning of the "Best American composer of classical music. Based on the stage isn't what you posted in response to my discussion belongs there? I know that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play: