Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of those uses have been in the same subthread, so if you think I posted.

Play:

Say: It was Doe, and now you, that have nothing to support Pudge's notion that the term does not compose music should not write words. I doubt that I never said it wasn't.

Play:

Say: I just told you: to calibrate what you find irritating, or else you'd be irritated by the large number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to my discussion of a pontification doesn't make it any less of a larger number of repetitions you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Or to put it away.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: It figures that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking in such a context, yet there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that the discussion has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn newsgroups into your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: Sort of like how you ignored the evidence that you would constitute evidence of where I said that. I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of where I said nothing about "movements". I said that. I'm still waiting for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a long time ago! How does that make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the stage?

Play: