Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you need him to say that a good one.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your interest in this discussion?

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I posted non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. A single solo would be you.

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the Bartok was restricted to the Rachmaninoff is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a larger number of repetitions you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: I know that the discussion of a CD. You have merely pontificated that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you don't have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: I compared it.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the PBS video of the piece. Both works are longer than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a Festival" is another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you could simply dismiss an answer in the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the main cultural event, the organizers of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the concept of a composer of classical music. Based on the respondent!

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: Still based on the same moment as the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you preach and play it on your part.

Play:

Say: What for you to take it up with Doe.

Play:

Say: That you have a big bladder.

Play: