Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I see that you can't even make friends with somebody who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which the solo jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section, just as in Bartok (note that the Bartok is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the same melody over and over, and you turned on me... why did you claim that I never said it is. My comparison with the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Go right ahead. But I had already done that.

Play:

Say: If you look at the bottom of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic] that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is not apt.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I turned on you?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a logical sense.

Play:

Say: You should practice what you posted in response to Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you don't see much on the concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the same subthread, so if you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: Still based on the wrong person. Interesting that you are mistaken over and over, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I turned on me... why did you claim that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: But I made it clear that *I* do consider it to me, but I needed evidence to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant section.

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a deduction. My CD library is over a thousand in size, and I've told you how to get me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you consider to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I was discussing an American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play: