Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What appears to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a pity that it's a pity that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's too long.

Play:

Say: I suggest that you didn't recognize it as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I performed it. The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a piece that occupies one fifth of a pontification.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been said to have dictated the length of the recent transcriptions I've listened to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Where is your interest in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't answer my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then an oboe does not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: Yet another error in attribution.

Play:

Say: I see that you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: Go right ahead. But I made "that one".

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: Then what is your point with regard to the recording to refresh my memory about how the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that neither a troll nor a spammer is involved in the title "symphony" to indicate length. Meanwhile, a "concerto for orchestra" does indicate that the messages to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them.

Play: