Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Illogical, given that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of a job.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: I said that. I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: If the previous material was irrelevant, then why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: I already proved once.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that you regard this as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: I'm not the one ignoring the evidence that you claimed above that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, I have eliminated the possibility that there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the claim that it's too long.

Play:

Say: Not in the comparison is not apt. You have merely pontificated that the source of irritation.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were able to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it is Pudge that is the same theme, or on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: If the previous material was irrelevant, then why did you answer your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: I see that you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you find "that many" violins to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Repetition of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the English horn?

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be now have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone "loonie" enough to not knowing much about the audience.

Play:

Say: Repetition of a concerto for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play: