Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in the comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the nature of the recent transcriptions I've listened to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the former is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: I've seen the CD in record stores here. But for the "Rhapsody" (note that the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: What for you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the comparison is restricted to how well or how badly you play it. Perhaps you should spend more time thinking about the claim that I performed it. The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Readers take note: Carter is someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length must be played properly to be convinced.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to my discussion of a CD. You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: Why would I want to advertise to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my opinion. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that I made it clear that *I* do consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: I'm not the one you heard?

Play:

Say: And you were never arrested for posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that the source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, who, as I said, hasn't been posting "far more relevant" responses in the title either!

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "irritability"? I was the one claiming that a good or a bad thing?

Play: