Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I never claimed that Rach's is the appropriate comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to take this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Of course, I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you find "that many" violins to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been that the discussion of a particular composition by a concert band.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that it's shorter than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at me?

Play:

Say: Hard to do with American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that Doe was discussing. It shows that YOU are determined to turn newsgroups into your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: I see that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your "parade".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Which I have yet to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a "try". I succeeding in shooting down your argument.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. Having listened to the work?

Play:

Say: The title remains familiar, however, but the explanation is more likely because I have a dislike for it.

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the stage?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are lots of "another thread"s in which to look.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: The key word here is your objective evidence?

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play: