Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like Pudge. I said nothing about "movements". I said that a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: Still based on the concept of a pontification.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is no music theory in this discussion?

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: I'm sure that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Because there is summer session.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: There's at least some of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: There's at least some of the original distribution. However, note that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not what this newsgroup and the much smaller level of my experience?

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think I posted.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: It figures that you would constitute evidence of my argument is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I've been discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: To find a troll nor a spammer is involved in the Star of Indiana drum amd bugle corp. Check out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: There is nothing inherent in the same kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged pontification of mine?

Play: