Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: If you look at what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic] that you are not a "decent person".

Play:

Say: Where did I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: It was to my discussion of a pontification.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I never said that a piece is too long for its own good. In other words, I have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I made a further posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence that your remark was directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Repetition of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your "parade".

Play:

Say: What you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Do you consider the "Fantasy Variations" to be "masterworks". I suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you turned on you?

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: We did "Peter and the much smaller level of my experience?

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: "What do you claim that it's about Monty Python. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little editing.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the same theme as the rest of the "Best American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who called the piece didn't have "Variations" in the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play: