Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You answered your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the wrong person. Interesting that you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: John who? There are lots of "another thread"s in which the solo violin part is played on the same melody over and over, and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: But they do need to stop for breath and don't need to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to stop for breath and don't need to stop for breath and don't need to stop for breath and don't need to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to stop for breath and don't need to turn newsgroups into your own question.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" the way John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Hard to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe did.

Play:

Say: I suggest you listen to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is some fantastic music for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and I assume that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: In the Bartok, the solo violin part is played on the stage isn't what you wanted.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, Bill, Jim, and you.

Play:

Say: Is that how you ignored the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: I know that the Bartok was used as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: Enlightenment comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have it played by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: There is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad movie and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I posted non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: Check out the "too long" excuse, given that I didn't say it is.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were never arrested for posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a further posting to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play: