Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: One of the musicians might have for it.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: That's your problem, given that I made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: The fact that concert bands are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that I didn't choose the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the following text OK, since tried to help and you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: That's because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo to a clarinet and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the latter, as the former is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the genre.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" to be "masterworks". I suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: The troll in this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: You have merely pontificated that the term "symphony", there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play: