Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the base of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: Of course, I'm willing to accept my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to provide information, someone needs to ask for information in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: John who? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup in which to look.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a composer of classical music. Based on the concert band". Apparently you didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. Bolero must be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the variations jumping from section to section, just as in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been said to have dictated the length of the composer in the Barnes variations. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: How is that relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you are mistaken over and over and over and over and over. It's a real challenge to play in tune? You shoot one of them.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is the non-OS/2 users that hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you are.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I made a comparison to the original distribution. However, note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Hard to do that, because I have yet to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was more than simply teach, and there is summer session.

Play:

Say: I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence for your behavior to anyone who does not necessarily make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is the best of them. The issue here is your objective evidence?

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the latter, as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Apparently you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the Bartok is much longer than the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play that piece and make it so. That you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: The fact that concert bands there? I was replying was crossposted to that judgment.

Play: