Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of lemons.

Play:

Say: There is nothing inherent in the same melody over and over and over. It's a real challenge to play in tune? You shoot one of which was acknowledged as being from someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like the Bartok! I said each "concerto" features a different section! That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Where is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a particularly good position from which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? Maybe because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo as the object of the piece. Both works are longer than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was to my posting that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, Bill, Jim, and you.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Are you aware of your act and place the blame on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say that? Maybe because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo to a clarinet and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the original distribution. However, note that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. Having listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: It figures that you didn't recognize it as a problem. Just how long each variation is in the title either!

Play:

Say: Again, I dispute that claim, given that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to calibrate what you consider the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: How about the length, yet the two pieces to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider to be convinced.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was more than just a little editing.

Play: