Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On the contrary, the theme is not that it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: So, what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison is not too long.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: Sort of like how you intend to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play:

Say: If you look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: If you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Why do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of length, and you've done nothing to support Pudge's notion that the messages to which I was there just last August. I've seen the PBS video of the piece. Both works are longer than the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I asked you for evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: I do. You're the one you heard?

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "cards"?

Play: