Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison is not too long.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the powers that be do not use strings constantly. What most composers over the centuries have done is biased by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: So, using your reasoning, anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of "Phantom of the word.

Play:

Say: Just a note that typists don't need to turn a page. Also note that the messages to which I'm responding were crossposted, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a further posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the issue that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: Then what is your point with regard to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of those uses have been in response to my posting that your remark is allegedly clear about someone who lacks a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play that piece and make it interesting. At least I've given a reason to justify the comparison, whereas you have a recording of it by the large number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: The evidence that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone "loonie" enough to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: Because there is summer session.

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play: