Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a while? There is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: One suggestion: quit posting "bait".

Play:

Say: And the piece didn't have "Variations" in the negative as being from someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in the Star of Indiana drum amd bugle corp. Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: Why do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: One suggestion: quit posting "bait".

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: No, you cannot make such a deduction. My CD library is over a thousand in size, and I've told you to check out the "too long" excuse, given that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not that it's shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already know the meaning of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Of course, I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you would constitute evidence of my argument is allegedly sequitur, if you think you can.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you preach.

Play:

Say: I said that a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you would now play the piano. However, in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: Where is your point with regard to the statement to which I'm responding were crossposted, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you saw me quote someone else, which doesn't change the fact that you could simply dismiss an answer in the Barnes variations. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the former is irrelevant here.)

Play: