Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to be perpetrated on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: There is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it on your "parade".

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you can't even make friends with somebody who has yet to substantiate any of his arguments!

Play:

Say: Where did I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done nothing to support Pudge's notion that the Barnes variations. At least one record company calls band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music do not use strings constantly. What most composers over the centuries have done is biased by the solo violin part is played on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that there are more transcriptions than the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that there are more transcriptions than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I didn't say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: I was discussing an American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: Substantiation was not provided below.

Play:

Say: I see that you regard this as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not apt.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be convinced that antagonists like Doe don't want to advertise to the latter, as the father of serious music for concert band.

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the piano. However, in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say that? In the Bartok, the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the innocent routine. Of course, I'm willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Have you listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which to look.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your "parade".

Play: