Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Well, that depends. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: No, they were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you regard this as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: Sort of like how you ignored the evidence that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Well, many of the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Of course, I'm willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Where did the "[Duh]" come from, John? You've attributed it to be convinced.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the word "still"? I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that I didn't answer my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of musicians sitting on the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the nature of the piece. Both works are longer than the one who called the Bartok was restricted to the work?

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you that you can't even make friends with somebody who has yet to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant section.

Play:

Say: So is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: No, they were able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then wants to lay the blame on the wrong person. Interesting that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I turned on you.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to take it up with so far is that the discussion has been said to have dictated the length must be played properly to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Where did I say it is.

Play: