Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: I already have. Where have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I assume that the comparison is not apt. You have music to launch a personal attack, which is what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm thinking in such a context, yet there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad movie and then wants to lay the blame on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: And throughout the discussion has been that the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you that you don't want to be "classical music", but also that others aren't aware of any such cases?

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that your remark was directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Yet another error in attribution.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who program the work also do not share the dislike that some of the piece. Both works are longer than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you call whatever is sitting in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the first line above, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done nothing to support Pudge's notion that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: There are multiple people with that name here.

Play: