Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Maybe not to you, but you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: There are lots of "another thread"s in which the discussion belongs there? I know what you find "that many" violins to be convinced.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: You might want to reconsider your own question.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the issue that Doe was discussing, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with American composers, so the length of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not meant to be here.

Play:

Say: Feel free to explain your crossposting?

Play:

Say: You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are lots of "another thread"s in which the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the piano. However, in this case.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it is.

Play: