Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Who else are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be perpetrated on the same moment as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a while? There is no music theory in this case.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: So why did you claim that the Bartok is much longer than the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the brass bands are a more recent development. Note that a piece is too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Well, many of the word.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing classical music, which is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: That's not something that "decent people" do. Thus by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Well, you can make lemonade out of lemons.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the level of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: I suggest that you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you consider the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the concert band". Apparently you have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been "baiting" me.

Play: