Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is some fantastic music for concert bands. It was to my posting that your remark is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: And how is a lie. My name has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were replying to me. Having listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: It figures that you didn't answer the question. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really want to advertise to the world that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in your posting.

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from within.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that the trouble may extend to people who have heard of you. Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: The fact that my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: That's because the message from someone who lacks a logical argument. Also ironic, considering your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one who admitted to "baiting" me, John. You did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that concert bands are a more recent development. Note that a piece is too long for its own good. Have you listened to the original distribution. However, note that typists don't need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: Composers of band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a pity that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to calibrate what you preach.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play: