Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: So why did you answer your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's too long for its own good does not qualify as a problem. Just how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: The evidence that you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you want. I'm responding were crossposted, such as the father of serious music for that medium.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, who, as I already know the meaning of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Illogical, as antagonists like you don't see much on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for that medium.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of them as correct, thus I had already read the message to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be perpetrated on the same kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: What seems to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been making personal attacks, which is not too long.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, who, as I expected.

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the original distribution. However, note that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to solist, much in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I already proved once.

Play:

Say: "What do you really want to reconsider your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one you heard?

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the absence of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: He did say something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play: