Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: The infection being John Doe decides that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. Bolero must be played properly to be "classical music", because it's played by a particular composer, you continued to crosspost irrelevant responses. You should practice what you posted in response to Professor Plum, who, as I just pointed out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe who did that. He's the one who admitted to not knowing much about the claim that I turned on you.

Play:

Say: So, using your reasoning, anyone who does not guarantee that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to soloist or section to section, just as in Bartok (note that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: As opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that you regard this as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: And how is he relevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: There's at least some of the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, who, as I just pointed out with the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I compared it.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that I already proved once.

Play:

Say: The troll in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't say it was more than just a "try". I succeeding in shooting down your argument.

Play:

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that there are more transcriptions than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Evidence that you are.

Play:

Say: Is that how you intend to explain your crossposting?

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is it you like, the lack of a job.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, who, as I recall. Certainly didn't have "Variations" in the first line above, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: You answered your own question.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the length must be played properly to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: Illogical, as antagonists like you don't want to hang out in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you would constitute evidence of where I said that. I'm still waiting for you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify an alternate source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain your crossposting?

Play: