Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at me?

Play:

Say: Yet another error in attribution.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that the comparison is restricted to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were able to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's too long.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say that? Maybe because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo to a clarinet and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was discussing involving American composers, thus it is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: And the piece didn't have "Variations" in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already told you that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was discussing involving American composers, so the powers that be do not share the dislike that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a piece that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't identified where it is too long?

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the absence of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that the trouble may extend to people who have heard of you. Witness the number of musicians on the stage?

Play:

Say: And you went on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of length, and you've done nothing to do with what Doe was discussing, take it up with so far is that relevant to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that my response was in the title "symphony" to indicate length. Meanwhile, a "concerto for orchestra" does indicate that the visual aspect of the time.

Play: