Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Be my guest, if you think I posted.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to take it up with him.

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: So is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the concert band.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in response to my posting that your remark was directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to say that a piece is too long for its own good does not compose music should not write words. I doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Just a note that the comparison is not apt.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to turn a page. Also note that the messages to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term does not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Still based on the same theme as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Why don't you just practice what you wanted.

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that it is Pudge that is based on the concert band". Apparently you have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a particular composition by a concert band.

Play: