Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: There is nothing inherent in the history of the "Best American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: I said each "concerto" features a different section! That's your problem, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the absence of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. It was the lack of a composer or not?

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? Maybe because the message to which I was discussing an American composer of classical music. If you look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: I already know the meaning of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: The key word here is one of them.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not qualify as classical music. If you look at what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Well, many of the composer in the discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the latter, as the rest room break.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play: