Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: So, what is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the word "still"? I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: "What do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a comparison to the statement to which I compared it.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you take another look at what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: The Bartok was restricted to how well or how badly you play it. Perhaps you should spend more time thinking about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play:

Say: Apparently you didn't recognize it as a comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: How about the genre.

Play:

Say: I do. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra plays a section of music is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the same kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: That's your problem, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: I see that you can't even make friends with somebody who has yet to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: I said the theme is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a pontification.

Play: