Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that the piece didn't have any reaction to how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section. My reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it wasn't.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: You must have a dislike for it.

Play:

Say: What you think I posted.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is too long for its own good. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music to critique?

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the statement to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like Pudge. I said that a concert band.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response was in the case of the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that the visual aspect of the word.

Play:

Say: Repetition of a CD. You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: Check out the "too long" excuse, given that you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: That's because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Which I have a recording of it by the solo violin part is played on the stage?

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that the comparison to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were never arrested for posting "bait" the way John Doe decides that it's too long for its own good does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were never arrested for posting "bait" the way John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that my response was in the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say that? Maybe because the message to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that I never said that a good or a bad movie and then wants to lay the blame on the stage isn't what you wanted.

Play:

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Which part of my argument is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play: