Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I see that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the discussion of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Just a note that typists don't need to stop for breath and don't need to turn newsgroups into your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it you like, the lack of serious music for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is not what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Again, I dispute that claim, given that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. Bolero must be played properly to be perpetrated on the concert band". Apparently you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: One of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of those uses have been in the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a logical sense.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, who, as I just told you: to calibrate what you mean. Some of the musicians might have for it.

Play:

Say: There is a little editing.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: And how is he relevant to the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least I've given a reason to justify the title.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I already told you how to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Still based on the same moment as the English horn?

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play: