Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: But you can make lemonade out of lemons.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to say that a concert band.

Play:

Say: Where is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: Why should it be the other way around? The music itself is inanimate; it won't have any reaction to how the variation jumps from soloist to soloist or section to section as in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the world that you claimed above that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it away.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I also mentioned the length of the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok was restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: Gee, so do I.

Play:

Say: Of course, I've already pointed out the irony to you, but you still talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not apt. You have attempted to extrapolate by a factor of about 5000. What is allegedly clear about someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: But they do need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't say it was more than just a "try". I succeeding in shooting down your argument.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the main cultural event, the organizers of the "Best American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to hang out in the first line above, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as a comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: You didn't exercise that option, as I already have. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play: