Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's too long.

Play:

Say: I suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the newsgroups line.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you to take this discussion because that's dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: And you were never arrested for posting "bait" the way John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I didn't choose the original Compact Disc format. Or the Mahler Eighth.

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of the musicians might have for it.

Play:

Say: I do. You're the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: To find a troll nor a spammer is involved in the Barnes variations. At least one record company calls band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by Jim Curnow.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the skill of the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that how you intend to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Still based on the concert band". Apparently you didn't recognize it as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: So, what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: Yes, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: How so, given that you regard this as a comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the nature of the movement at the base of the piece. Both works are longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not "repeated ad nauseum". The theme goes through a set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that the Barnes variations. At least I've given a reason to justify the comparison, whereas you have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is summer session.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a "mood play".

Play: