Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Whose tradition? Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a concert band.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked to be perpetrated on the concert band.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: And you went on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of them.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one discussing American composers. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to provide the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: No, they were about music, when in fact they were able to come up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of another piece that occupies one fifth of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own behavior.

Play:

Say: How did I say that?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I just pointed out the "too long" excuse, given that I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: You should talk, a self-admitted troll.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play: