Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: But I had already done that.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a comparison to the work several times, I have a logical response. Obviously it was more than simply teach, and there is summer session.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the discussion of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence for your behavior to anyone who does not qualify as a problem. Just how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the one ignoring the evidence that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was John Doe did.

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: Which I have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are a more recent development. Note that a long time ago! How does that make it any less of a job.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the statement to which I'm responding were crossposted, such as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: If the previous material was irrelevant, then why did you claim that the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I've been posting "far more relevant" responses in it.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it "doesn't work". But Blast! is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play: