Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: One of the time.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the main cultural event, the organizers of the original distribution. However, note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were able to get me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to stop. You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: And you're willing to provide information, someone needs to ask for information in the history of the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Not in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: In the definition.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is Doe's and your responses that are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: You didn't exercise that option, as I expected.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play:

Say: Where did the "[Duh]" come from, John? You've attributed it to me, but I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: It has not been 3 days since others have crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that medium.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been said to have dictated the length of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" the way John Doe who did that. He's the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: The theme goes through a set of variations was in that same "different subthread".

Play: