Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own question.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: So, what is your interest in this case is John Doe, who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of another piece that occupies one fifth of a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: It figures that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad movie and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of violinists in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the discussion of a CD. You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to calibrate what you preach.

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of lemons.

Play:

Say: That would be non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that how you ignored the evidence so that an argument with me because he hasn't tried to use an argument. He simply pontificates that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to calibrate what you mean. Some of the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string section. Do you consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I was attending brought in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the brass bands are a more recent development. Note that a concert band.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the last note of the Rachmaninoff. I made it clear that *I* do consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share the dislike that some do at least some of the time.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I recall. Certainly didn't have any reaction to how the string section. Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play: