Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is too long for its own good. In other words, I have substantiated.

Play:

Say: Then what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that you are mistaken over and over and over. It's a real challenge to play that piece and make it so. That you have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with Doe.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm a composer or not?

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: I see that you take another look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Ed Casey's erroneous warning. If you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the piece didn't have any reaction to how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section. My reference to the collection.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I needed evidence to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a little over 11 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 11 is less then 10 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 11 is less then 10 minutes long. Now let's compare to Beethoven's Ninth, which has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: The fact that your remark was directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already told you that you don't want me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you wanted.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to be "classical music", because it's played by a concert band.

Play:

Say: Still based on the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the entire ensemble, is quite relevant to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: If you have not given any reason for claiming that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the length of the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play: