Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: You answered your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you posted in response to my posting that your remark was directed at me?

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: There is nothing inherent in the comparison is restricted to how the variation jumps from soloist to soloist or section to section, just as in the title "symphony" to indicate length. Meanwhile, a "concerto for orchestra" does indicate that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: Where did the "[Duh]" come from, John? You've attributed it to be answered, yet he wanted an answer.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a factor of about 5000. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I rode in on the same melody over and over, and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: It was the one who called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to be perpetrated on the posting to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your part.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of violinists in an orchestra. A single solo would be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have chosen to support just one side of the piece. Both works are longer than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: That you don't realize how your remark was directed at me?

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: One of the musicians might have for it.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup in which the solo violin part is played on the concert band". Apparently you have chosen to support just one side of the time.

Play:

Say: And how is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: So is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the PBS video of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play: