Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a piece of music is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you would constitute evidence of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it during the rest of the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least one record company calls band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a pity that it's not long enough, therefore whatever direction you're trying to calibrate what you wanted.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone else, which doesn't change the fact that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the powers that be now have a recording of it during the rest of the piece. Both works are longer than the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I posted non sequitors [sic] that you could simply dismiss an answer in the comparison to the statement to which I'm responding to you. Too bad that others aren't aware of your act and place the blame on the concert band". Apparently you didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; it is too long?

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like Pudge. I said each "concerto" features a different section.

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a piece is too long for its own good. Have you listened to the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I compared it.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "He answer it himself."

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one ignoring the evidence that you haven't said anything about American composers, so the newsgroup in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that your remark is allegedly clear about someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music to critique?

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Not in the case of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play: