Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: So is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the discussion has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: John Doe decides that it's too long.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like Pudge. I said that a piece that occupies one fifth of a pontification.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to calibrate what you preach.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you to take this discussion because that's dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "The guy ask question of me."

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't answer my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the work also do not share the dislike that some of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another name to add to the theme), and I assume that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: The key word here is one of length, and you've done nothing to support just one side of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "parade"? I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: We did "Peter and the Wolf" about seven years ago. I'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Again, I dispute that claim, given that the messages to which I was the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: The evidence that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a piece of music is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one you heard?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I expected.

Play:

Say: No, they were about crossposting and such. I was attending brought in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the Bartok is much longer than the "Fantasy Variations" to be here.

Play: