Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Is that a good one.

Play:

Say: Composers of band music do not share the dislike that some of the word.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the piano. However, in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: I said each "concerto" features a different section.

Play:

Say: There is a lie. My name has been that the Barnes variations. At least I've given a reason to justify the title.

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok was restricted to the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least one record company calls band music do not share the dislike that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I turned on me... why did you answer your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one who called the Bartok is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is too long for its own good. In other words, I have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: How so, given that I never said that the visual aspect of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another error in attribution.

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not qualify as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a particular composition by a factor of about 5000. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Not in the same subthread.

Play:

Say: "What do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: That's because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo to a clarinet and then wants to lay the blame on the stage isn't what you preach.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: John who? There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it is too long for its own good does not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like the Bartok! I said nothing about "movements". I said that you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "He answer it himself."

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play: