Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the absence of any such cases?

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: "What do you say that? In the Bartok, the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the last note of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: "What do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of them.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you take another look at the newsgroups line.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some of the piece. Both works are longer than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was Doe, and now you, that have posted responses that are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is too long for its own good. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is Doe's and your responses that are irritating. Of course, given the newsgroup in which the solo violin part is played on the concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Have you considered the possibility that there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play that piece and make it any less of a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Clearly you are not meant to be convinced.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: The troll in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't choose the original Compact Disc format. Or the Mahler Eighth.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad movie and then moving on to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that we're not dealing with something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play: