Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I rode in on the stage?

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I recall. Certainly didn't have "Variations" in the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a piece is too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from within.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the PBS video of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: Still based on the concert band". Apparently you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the term does not compose music should not write words. I doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? Maybe because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo to a clarinet and then wants to lay the blame on the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a particularly good position from which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Clearly you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Apparently you have a logical sense.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you don't want to advertise to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: That's your problem, given that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to soloist or section to section or soloist to solist, much in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: I just told you: to calibrate what you consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share your dislike for it.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: So why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: John Doe decides that it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it "stupid"? You called the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play: