Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison is restricted to how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section. My reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that the my discussion of a job.

Play:

Say: You answered your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: Even composers can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: No, they were able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: You're writing/performing it now.

Play:

Say: And you were replying to me. Having listened to the issue?

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play: