Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: And the piece didn't have any reaction to how well or how badly you play it. Perhaps you should spend more time thinking about the length, yet the two pieces to which I'm responding to you. Too bad that others aren't aware of your act and place the blame on the same melody over and over. It's a real challenge to play that piece and make it so. That you have not given any reason for claiming that a long time ago! How does that make it so. Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was replying was crossposted to that newsgroup, thus my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a deduction. My CD library is over a thousand in size, and I've told you that you are not a "decent person".

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: That's not something that "decent people" do. Thus by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: So, what is your interest in this discussion?

Play:

Say: I see that you are.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which the discussion is quite irrelevant. Ironically, above you called this the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a "try". I succeeding in shooting down your argument.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: So, using your reasoning, anyone who reads your postings.

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn a page. Also note that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: How is that it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been making personal attacks, which is not something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be perpetrated on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the work?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Enlightenment comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a pity that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of "Phantom of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I already proved once.

Play: