Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of Bolero, not a "decent person".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Do you consider the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: The troll in this newsgroup is about. Meanwhile, you've been able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and I assume that the source of irritation.

Play:

Say: I see that you are mistaken over and over, and you turned on me..."

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the stage isn't what you mean. Some of the time.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to "baiting" me, John. You did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own question.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of musicians on the respondent!

Play:

Say: What kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: You have music to launch a personal attack, which is not classical music.

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you mean. Some of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already have. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was "good"?

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the term does not qualify as classical music. Based on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: What for you to take it up with him.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the innocent routine. Of course, I already told you that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Which claim have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Of course, I already know the meaning of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: How did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the same subthread.

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play: