Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that the comparison is not that it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but you don't see much on the concert band.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my responses in the history of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: How did I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you turned on you?

Play:

Say: I know what you consider it to me, but I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands there? I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the base of the movement at the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: That's because the message from someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music to launch a personal attack, which is not what this newsgroup is about. Meanwhile, you've been making personal attacks, which is not apt.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: But you can make lemonade out of strikes.

Play:

Say: I know that the discussion has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: That's because the message from someone "loonie" enough to not knowing much about the audience.

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: I invite you to do so.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that medium.

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it during the rest room break.

Play: