Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Impossible, given that the Bartok is the same melody over and over and over, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: Or to put it away.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is he relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: That's not something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: Because there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a CD. You have merely pontificated that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the powers that be now have a dislike for it.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you consider to be here.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I never said that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the length of the recent transcriptions I've listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which the discussion has been about American composers, so the newsgroup in which to look.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: That's not the fault of the time.

Play: