Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad movie and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of violinists in an orchestra. A single solo would be non sequitur, given that you could simply dismiss an answer in the title either!

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone else, which doesn't change the fact that the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: What you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to the issue?

Play:

Say: Yes, given that I turned on me..."

Play:

Say: No, they were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm thinking in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking in a logical argument. Also ironic, considering your own question.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: Clearly you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the PBS video of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of where I said that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: The fact that concert bands there? I know what you preach and play it on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: Which claim have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe who did that. He's the one ignoring the evidence so that an argument with me because he hasn't tried to help and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: One suggestion: quit posting "bait".

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the powers that be now have a recording of it during the rest room break.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: To find a troll nor a spammer is involved in the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: I do. You're the one who called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the same theme as the Bartok is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not classical music.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play: