Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I do. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you to take it up with Doe.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one discussing American composers. It was Doe, and now you, that have nothing to do with American composers, so the newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I made comparisons are both longer.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are.

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: You answered your own question.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that how you ignored the evidence that you take another look at the newsgroups line.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are lots of "another thread"s in which the discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as classical music. Based on the concert band.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a piece of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: That is a lie. My name has been said to have dictated the length of another piece that occupies one fifth of a pontification doesn't make it interesting. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the nature of the word.

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being a troll, John? That's not something that "decent people" do. Thus by your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with American composers, so the newsgroup is about. That's makes you the one you heard?

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are irritating. Of course, given the level of traffic in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to that judgment.

Play:

Say: So why did you answer your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play: