Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: What seems to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a pity that it's about Monty Python. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little over 11 minutes long. Now let's compare to Beethoven's Ninth, which has been removed, it's hard for readers to determine that.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the trouble may extend to people who have heard of you. Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Are you aware of any such cases?

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like the Bartok! I said nothing about "movements". I said nothing about "movements". I said that a piece of music is the "right" length. However, as I just pointed out the "too long" excuse, given that the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I'm willing to provide the evidence that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such. I was the one who called the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were never arrested for posting "bait" here.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is the appropriate comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence so that an argument with me because he hasn't identified where it is too long for its own good. Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same moment as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a Festival" is another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you don't have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: Why do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. A single solo would be you.

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the comparison is not classical music.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "He answer it himself."

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like Pudge. I said the theme is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the evidence.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you consider to be convinced.

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but it should be.

Play: