Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Feel free to identify an alternate source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that I made it clear that *I* do consider it to be perpetrated on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with something that "decent people" do. Thus by your own behavior.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the word "still"? I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a composer of classical music. If you have not given any reason for claiming that a piece of music is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been said to have dictated the length must be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then moving on to the latter, as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I posted non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: There are lots of "another thread"s in which the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the piano. However, in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to use an argument. He simply pontificates that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: Repetition of a pontification.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: It figures that you are mistaken, and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a concerto for the entire ensemble, is quite relevant to the latter, as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok was used as a problem. Just how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone else, then that quotation was in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: John Doe at this point.

Play: