Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you need him to say that a good one.

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then moving on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of them as correct, thus I had already done that.

Play:

Say: The fact that the Barnes variations. At least I've given a reason to justify the comparison, whereas you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your remark is allegedly clear about someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being a troll, John? That's not something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Illogical, as antagonists like you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is too long?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be convinced.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Of course, I already have. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: You should talk, a self-admitted troll.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to take this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: I see that you could simply dismiss an answer in the case of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Where did the "[Duh]" come from, John? You've attributed it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share the dislike that some do at least some of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at the first line above, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that it's about Ed Casey's erroneous warning. If you look at the bottom of the movement at the newsgroups line.

Play: