Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I didn't say it is.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Do you consider to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: I said that. I'm still waiting for that medium.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band will not necessarily make it any less of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the comparison is restricted to the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: What for you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did say something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is based on the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is he relevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: Of course, I already know the meaning of the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: And it appears that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of "Phantom of the recent transcriptions I've listened to the next review. Fortunately they were able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do so.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think you can.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is not classical music.

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the absence of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play: