Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're writing/performing it now.

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you turned on me... why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Because there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music to critique?

Play:

Say: Apparently you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I never claimed that Rach's is the "right" length. However, as I just told you: to calibrate what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: No, you cannot make such a deduction. My CD library is over a thousand in size, and I've told you that you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is Doe's and your responses that are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the source of irritation.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is not apt.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you need him to say that a concert band.

Play:

Say: And you were replying to me. See above for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Where have you been?

Play:

Say: There is a lie. My name has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play: