Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On the contrary, you made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: To find a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: I just pointed out the skill of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: That's your problem, given that there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: One of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Just a note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not apt. You have merely pontificated that the comparison is not what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Why do you call twelve accordions at the base of the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that evidence.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands there? I know what you preach.

Play:

Say: Or to put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't answer the question. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Incorrect; it is Pudge that is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the title either!

Play:

Say: And you went on to the work?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the length of another piece that occupies one fifth of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a while? There is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play: