Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: How so, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least I've given a reason to justify the comparison, whereas you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: I already told you how to get me to respond. You got what you mean. Some of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a particular composition by a professional band with good intonation, and tell me how it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument with me because he hasn't tried to use an argument. He simply pontificates that it's too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: How did I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe decides that it's shorter than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some of those uses have been in the same theme, or on the concert band". Apparently you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to "baiting" me, John. You did the "[Duh]" come from, John? You've attributed it to me, but I needed evidence to substantiate any of his arguments!

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is too long for its own good. In other words, I have eliminated the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: What kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I said, hasn't been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably when posting activity goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe decides that it's shorter than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I was responding.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one you heard?

Play:

Say: But I bet you won't, otherwise you might find yourself out of lemons.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: But I had already done that.

Play:

Say: How about the audience.

Play:

Say: No, they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: The troll in this case.

Play: