Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you haven't said anything about American composers, thus it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been about American composers, so the newsgroup in which the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the last note of the Rachmaninoff. I made it clear that *I* do consider it to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be here.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was more than just a "try". I succeeding in shooting down your argument.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: In the definition.

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Whose tradition? Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then an oboe does not qualify as a comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the main cultural event, the organizers of the meeting I was responding.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: Where is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: I see that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: So why did you claim that it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been able to come up with him.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it so. Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the posting to which I made "that one".

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: So why did you answer your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it away.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play: