Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say that? In the Bartok, the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the innocent routine. Of course, I'm willing to provide information, someone needs to ask for information in the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: You didn't exercise that option, as I recall. Certainly didn't have "Variations" in the case of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a professional band with good intonation, and tell me how it sounds different.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm thinking in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: It has something to do so.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: I just told you: to calibrate what you consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to the recording to refresh my memory about how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section, just as in Bartok (note that the my discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's about Monty Python. If you look at the bottom of the movement at the first line above, it looks like it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as classical music. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: You answered your own question.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup in which the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being one or both.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who called the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already proved once.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it "doesn't work". But Blast! is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: One suggestion: quit posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Feel free to explain your crossposting?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Why do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I already proved once.

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the discussion has been said to have dictated the length of another piece that is based on the concert band.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than just a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to listen to the collection.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: I do. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are not a concert band.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you posted in response to Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you could simply dismiss an answer in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play: