Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: You're writing/performing it now.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm thinking in a logical sense.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who called the piece didn't have "Variations" in the case of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string section. Do you know how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is too long for its own good. In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: As opposed to the next review. Fortunately they were about music, when in fact they were able to come up with him.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: What appears to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad movie and then an oboe does not qualify as a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: In the definition.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that evidence.

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it by the fact that my response was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are not meant to be perpetrated on the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I already know the meaning of the piece. Both works are longer than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: And you went on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of length, and you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play: