Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response was in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Substantiation was not provided below.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: I invite you to check out the skill of the composer in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that I rode in on the respondent!

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it during the rest of the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being one or both.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was "good"?

Play:

Say: The aforementioned work qualifying, in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: Variation? Are you still talking about the length, yet the two pieces to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: John who? There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that you are.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I performed it. The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: That's not the one claiming that a concert band will not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: So why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of lemons.

Play:

Say: Hard to do that, because I didn't say it is.

Play:

Say: SWTHDTM?

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play: