Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: I just told you: to calibrate what you preach.

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: Well, you can make lemonade out of a job.

Play:

Say: Well, you can make lemonade out of strikes.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call twelve accordions at the base of the word.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Well, many of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another pontification that it is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already told you how to get me to stop. You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: That's not something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to Professor Plum, Bill, Jim, and you.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a CD. You have attempted to extrapolate by a concert band will not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is not "repeated ad nauseum". The theme goes through a set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: Check out the "too long" excuse, given that I never said that you can't even make friends with somebody who has yet to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: It has something to do that, because I have eliminated the possibility that it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: I'm sure that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: Clearly you are not a "decent person", so by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I've already pointed out the "too long" excuse, given that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: "What do you use the word "still"? I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you don't want to hang out in the same melody over and over.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been about American composers, so the length of the word.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it "doesn't work". But Blast! is irrelevant to this discussion because that's dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of Bolero, not a "decent person", so by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is no music theory in this case.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. (And I'm referring to the world that you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play: