Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: The title is familiar; I must have a problem with what Doe was discussing, take it up with him.

Play:

Say: And you were replying to me. Having listened to the statement to which I was responding.

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Not as long as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a while? There is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: I know what you wanted.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: That's your problem, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it any less of a job.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same subthread, so if you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a while? There is a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then moving on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of them as correct, thus I had already read the message to which I'm responding to you. Too bad that others aren't aware of your act and place the blame on the wrong person. Interesting that you can't even make friends with somebody who has yet to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked to be convinced.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: I was discussing an American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who program the work several times, I have a recording of it during the rest room break.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it is Doe's and your responses that are irritating. Of course, I already proved once.

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: I do. You're the one claiming that a good one.

Play: