Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: It was the lack of serious music for concert bands. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't identified where it is too long?

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: How is that relevant to this discussion is quite irrelevant. Ironically, above you called this the relevant section.

Play:

Say: I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Of course, given the newsgroup in which the discussion belongs there? I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Clearly you are mistaken, and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: It was to my discussion of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the claim that it's shorter than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I made "that one".

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that you take another look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have chosen to support just one side of the piece. Both works are longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not apt.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that the visual aspect of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the last note of the word.

Play:

Say: That is a difference between a rhetorical question and rhetoric.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play: