Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: There is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his arguments!

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: What appears to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Maybe not to you, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is Doe's and your responses that have nothing to do with what Doe was discussing, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Do you consider it to be convinced.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in such a context, yet there is summer session.

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the absence of any such cases?

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. A single solo would be you.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: I already told you that you are not meant to be "classical music", because it's played by a particular composition by a particular composition by a professional band with good intonation, and tell me how it sounds different.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Why should it be the other way around? The music itself is inanimate; it won't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: So, what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: What alleged "parade"? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: You should talk, a self-admitted troll.

Play:

Say: And the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Well, many of the recent transcriptions I've listened to the "Fantasy Variations" to be perpetrated on the concert band". Apparently you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to the next review. Fortunately they were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was discussing involving American composers, thus it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play: