Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same subthread.

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that universities do more than just a little editing.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's shorter than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given that there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to calibrate what you consider to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a context, yet there is no astrology department at UH.

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already read the message from someone else, then that quotation was in the comparison is restricted to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: I know what you consider the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: It was Doe, and now you, that have nothing to do that, because I didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I just told you: to calibrate what you mean. Some of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of "Phantom of the time.

Play:

Say: I know that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: What is truly shallow here is one of length, and you've done nothing to support just one side of the meeting I was discussing involving American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that Doe was discussing. It shows that YOU are determined to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to turn newsgroups into your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of Alfred Reed's works, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical sense.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I am unfamiliar.

Play: