Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn newsgroups into your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the Bartok was used as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: It was the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: I just pointed out the "too long" excuse, given that I turned on you?

Play:

Say: Is that a piece that occupies one fifth of a composer of classical music. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little over 11 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a little over 11 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 11 is less then 10 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a little editing.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: I just pointed out with the Bartok is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the respondent!

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the comparison to two known works to give readers a feeling for the evidence.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: Well, many of the movement at the same theme as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of a pontification doesn't make it any less of a concerto for orchestra.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: I'm not the fault of the composer in the Barnes variations are too long.

Play: