Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: I didn't choose the original distribution. However, note that the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that the source of irritation.

Play:

Say: Or to put it away.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to think of "parades" or "football game halftime shows" whenever "band" is mentioned in such a linear fasion. In reality, I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that we're not dealing with a drum and bugle corp arrangement of "Phantom of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: So, using your reasoning, anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: I haven't been discussing classical music, which is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: It was to my posting that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds good, then it IS good."

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play: