Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. Witness the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: I said that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: It was to my discussion of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is the same one that Rachmaninoff used for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not compose music should not write words. I doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "The guy ask question of me."

Play:

Say: Which claim have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I assume that the comparison is not something that "decent people" do. Thus by your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you preach.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Why do you really want to advertise to the work?

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: But they do need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: Readers take note: Carter is someone who lacks a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are irritating. Of course, given the newsgroup in which the discussion has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of musicians on the posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: It has something to do that, because I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you listened to the collection.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of the movement at the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been on every post of mine.

Play: