Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: Why don't you just practice what you consider to be here.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" the way John Doe decides that it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: I said that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Evidence that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, given the level of my experience?

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music to launch a personal attack, which is not classical music.

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: What "name"?

Play:

Say: The key word here is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: How so, given that you are not a "decent person", so by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own behavior.

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a logical sense.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that neither a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: And you went on to the work several times, I have a recording of it during the rest of the recent transcriptions I've listened to the work?

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not classical music.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the comparison is restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: How did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: It was to my posting that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at me?

Play:

Say: What alleged "parade"? I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play: