Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: That is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: So, what is your point with regard to the issue?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that there is summer session.

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I'm thinking in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: Still based on the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: That's a single instrument, not an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one claiming that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it any less of a pontification.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: That is a little editing.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: I see that you think you can.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a composer of classical music. If you have not given any reason for claiming that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: How so?

Play: