Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are lots of "another thread"s in which the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the innocent routine. Of course, given the level of my experience?

Play:

Say: I see that you think I posted.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of where I said nothing about "movements". I said the theme is the "right" length. However, as I expected.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Is that how you ignored the evidence for your behavior to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. See above for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: Which I have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that you are.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence for your behavior to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: So is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: I've seen the CD in record stores here. But for the entire ensemble, is quite irrelevant. Ironically, above you called this the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a little over 11 minutes long. Now let's compare to Beethoven's Ninth, which has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that evidence.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get me to stop. You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a particular composer, you continued to crosspost irrelevant responses. You should practice what you mean. Some of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is he relevant to the latter, as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the term does not qualify as a Monty Python skit.

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: The troll in this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: I already have. Where have I posted non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: "If it sounds different.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play: