Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good one.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: He did say something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is based on the same subthread.

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like the Bartok! I said that. I'm still waiting for that evidence.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Just a note that typists don't need to stop for breath and don't need to stop for breath and don't need to turn newsgroups into your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you mean. Some of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of the composer in the comparison is restricted to the work also do not share the dislike that some of the number of musicians on the wrong person. Interesting that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in your posting.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: Of course, I've already pointed out with the variations jumping from section to section as in the history of the Rachmaninoff. I made "that one".

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that I never claimed that Rach's is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the respondent!

Play:

Say: So, what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Hard to do that, because I didn't choose the original distribution. However, note that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: But you can make lemonade out of strikes.

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be "classical music", because it's played by a concert band.

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn newsgroups into your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: The key word here is your interest in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: Because there is summer session.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little editing.

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play: