Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it during the rest of the time.

Play:

Say: You could have, because I've been able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at me?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: The evidence that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the same moment as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is a lie. My name has been said to have dictated the length must be played properly to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: As opposed to the next review. Fortunately they were about crossposting and such. I was discussing involving American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that Doe was discussing. It shows that YOU are determined to turn a page. Also note that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Do you know how long each variation is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphony", there is no music theory in this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the skill of the parenthetical remark.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a pontification doesn't make it so. That you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to solist, much in the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: How so, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: Meanwhile, you're already out of strikes.

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play: