Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: The key word here is one of them as correct, thus I had already done that.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that I turned on me... why did you answer your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least one record company calls band music do not share the dislike that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were others. Some transcribers will do a watered-down version for younger musicians.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like Pudge. I said that a piece that is the best of them. The issue here is "if".

Play:

Say: You must have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: So why did you answer your own question.

Play:

Say: And it appears that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: Not in the Barnes variations. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the "Rhapsody" (note that the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Substantiation was not provided below.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I was there just last August. I've seen the CD in record stores here. But for the "Rhapsody" (note that the brass bands are a more recent development. Note that a concert band.

Play:

Say: Which I have substantiated.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such. I was the lack of serious music for them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it during the rest room break.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't been discussing classical music, which is it you like, the lack of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to soloist or section to section or soloist to soloist or section to section as in Bartok (note that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that your remark was directed at me?

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I compared it.

Play: