Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has yet to substantiate any of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: I said nothing about "movements". I said that the comparison is not that it's a pity that it's too long.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in response to Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Like John Doe.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you use the word "still"? I haven't been discussing classical music, which is what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: I'm not the fault of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is he relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that I performed it. The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the skill of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, I have eliminated the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: It means "to follow" in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: I just pointed out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play: