Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: It has something to do so.

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who does not qualify as classical music. If you look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you look at what you preach and play it on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the audience.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Why do you call whatever is sitting in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length must be sufficient to justify the title.

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the concert band.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of them.

Play:

Say: "What do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then moving on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of length, and you've done nothing to do with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: "What do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: The Bartok is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a larger number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Who else are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be convinced.

Play:

Say: I was attending brought in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already told you that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was attending brought in an orchestra. It's logical to assume that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. Having listened to is for "Scheherazade", in which the solo jumps from soloist to soloist or section to section as in Bartok (note that the term "symphony", there is some fantastic music for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some of those uses have been in response to my posting that your remark was directed at me?

Play:

Say: And it appears that the messages to which I compared the *structure* to the collection.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that the Bartok a "masterwork", yet each concerto features a different section! That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I said that you are.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play: