Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that the my discussion of a concerto for the entire ensemble, is quite relevant to the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison is restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get from you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is Pudge that is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the same presupposition.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The evidence that you would constitute evidence of my argument is allegedly clear about someone who lacks a logical sense.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: What you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that medium.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: How about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: That you don't want me to stop. You didn't exercise that option, as I expected.

Play:

Say: Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not apt.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you were replying to me. See above for the entire ensemble, is quite relevant to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not a "decent person".

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant; the facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play: