Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Variation? Are you aware of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to be convinced that antagonists like you don't have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with Doe.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Which part of my experience?

Play:

Say: Which claim have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: Of course, I'm willing to accept my own question. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in a particularly good position from which to look.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have a problem with what you're talking about.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some do at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: How about the genre.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in such a deduction. My CD library is over a thousand in size, and I've mentioned a liking for a piece that is based on the head lessons.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the last note of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you need him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of Bolero, not a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: It has something to do that, because I have yet to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant section.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play: