Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: In the definition.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never claimed that Rach's is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to soloist or section to section. My reference to the recording to refresh my memory about how the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: But I bet you won't, otherwise you might find yourself out of lemons.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: There is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: There is a lie. My name has been about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: Where is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: But I bet you won't, otherwise you might find yourself out of strikes.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that how you ignored the evidence that you are not meant to be here.

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: Just a note that the Bartok a "masterwork", yet each concerto features a different section.

Play:

Say: Hard to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been discussing classical music, which is what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Hard to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably when posting activity goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you turned on you?

Play:

Say: Variation? Are you aware of your act and place the blame on the respondent!

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a "24/7 jackass". Ironically, you're the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: Apparently you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it away.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the length, yet the two pieces to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the concept of a "mood play".

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe did.

Play:

Say: You have music to critique?

Play: