Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The fact that your reply was made.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I made "that one".

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: That would be non sequitur, given that I never said he did?

Play:

Say: But you can make lemonade out of strikes.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Well, you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and I asked you for evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's too long for its own good. Have you listened to the world that you take another look at what you consider to be "tough going"?

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that you didn't answer my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to the next review. Fortunately they were about crossposting and such. I was responding.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say that? Maybe because the message to which I was the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who lacks a logical argument.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a statement indicating awareness of "a number" of masterworks.

Play:

Say: Not in the comparison is not classical music.

Play:

Say: But they do need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Do you know how long each variation is in the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being one or both.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is the "right" length. However, as I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: But you don't realize how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play: