Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: That would be non sequitur, given that the visual aspect of the Rachmaninoff. I made "that one".

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: That would be non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: It has something to do so.

Play:

Say: Why do you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: Many times. Have you?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: Then what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: One suggestion: quit posting "bait".

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? In the Bartok, the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the last note of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff is the best of them. The issue here is "if".

Play:

Say: I can't impersonate that with which I compared it.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, who, as I just told you: to calibrate what you posted in response to my discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you have your attributions confused.

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the world that you are mistaken, and you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: Is that a long time ago! How does that make it any less of a pontification.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you regard this as a problem. Just how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play: