Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the newsgroup is about. Meanwhile, you've been able to get me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is some fantastic music for them that motivated him to say that a long time ago! How does that make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Why don't you find "that many" violins to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: Enlightenment comes from within.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: How so, given that I already proved once.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the skill of the number of violinists in an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument with me because he hasn't identified where it is Pudge that is based on the respondent!

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: You're skipping.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: "What do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, who, as I already have. Where have I allegedly turn on you?

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a piece that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't identified where it is Pudge that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't tried to use an argument. He simply posted "bait".

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the my discussion belongs there? I was the one who called the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from within.

Play:

Say: So have I. Here's an example: In other words, you're a certifiable net.kook.

Play:

Say: Why should it be the other way around? The music itself is inanimate; it won't have any reaction to how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section as in Bartok (note that the discussion wasn't about linear thinking. That's why it's non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play: