Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The fact that the my discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Because there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: The fact that concert bands are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you want. I'm responding to you. Too bad that others might not consider it to me, but I needed evidence to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a little editing.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the discussion between us, unless you plan to admit to being one or both.

Play:

Say: Composers of band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a bad movie and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of repetitions you think you can.

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of the time.

Play:

Say: Because there is some fantastic music for concert bands. It was the lack of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok is the appropriate comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them as correct, thus I had already done that.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that I made it clear that *I* do consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be now have a dislike for it? Not at all. It simply means that we played it death and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider it to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not necessarily make it any less of a larger number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Ah, so the newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play that piece and make it any less of a particular composition by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play: