Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not too long.

Play:

Say: Just a note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: So is the "right" length. However, as I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was discussing an American composer of classical music" thread.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them.

Play:

Say: Where have you been?

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the comparison to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who have heard of you. Witness the number of violinists in an orchestra. A single solo would be you.

Play:

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: Then what is your objective evidence?

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the theme is not classical music.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the Bartok is even longer.

Play: