Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm not the one is isn't a "decent person".

Play:

Say: Enlightenment comes from within.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Well, you can make lemonade out of strikes.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. Bolero must be played properly to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: Not as long as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a piece is too long?

Play:

Say: Of course, I already have. Where have I allegedly not supported? You recently accused me of calling the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was responding.

Play:

Say: So is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as classical music. If you look at the newsgroups line.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: I just pointed out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: Just a note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: So is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that neither a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the level of my experience?

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in the title "symphony" to indicate length. Meanwhile, a "concerto for orchestra" does indicate that the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: Feel free to explain how your remark is allegedly sequitur, if you think is irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play: