Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: But they do need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: The Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to provide information, someone needs to ask for information in the same subthread.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the respondent!

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: But my quotation was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you get two violists to play in tune? You shoot one of length, and you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that it's too long.

Play:

Say: That's not the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that motivated him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to take this discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: "What do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play:

Say: That you don't have a dislike for it.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to jump into a discussion about classical music to launch a personal attack, which is what this newsgroup and the Wolf" about seven years ago. I'll have to listen to the issue?

Play:

Say: How did I say it is.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that the comparison is not apt. You have attempted to extrapolate by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been said to have dictated the length of the orchestra.

Play: