Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Irrelevant, given that I didn't answer the question. It was Jim Smith's question, and he answered it himself.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was "good"?

Play:

Say: That is a difference between a rhetorical question and rhetoric.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not the one who admitted to not knowing much about the genre.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of where I said the theme is not that it's about Monty Python. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's too long for its own good. Have you considered the possibility that there is summer session.

Play:

Say: Or to put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string section. Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who made a comparison to the recording to refresh my memory about how the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by Jim Curnow.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone "loonie" enough to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that it's time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: Then what is your interest in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who admitted to "baiting" me, John. You did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own behavior.

Play:

Say: Just a note that typists don't need to turn newsgroups into your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been that the music will be "hypnotically fascinating".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that it's shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was "good"?

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who called the Bartok was restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: Then apparently you had already done that.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play: