Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Impossible, given that I never said he did.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as classical music. Based on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: Think of writing the editors of some supermarket tabloid telling them that their aliens from outer space story was fiction. Would you expect them to back down?

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been able to get from you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: That's also your problem.

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: Not as long as the former is irrelevant here.)

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the piano. However, in this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Well, many of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a piece of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Of course, I already have. Where have I posted non sequitors [sic]?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that I never claimed that Rach's is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a particular composition by a factor of about 5000. What is allegedly sequitur, if you think they'll stand for.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: Because there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music do not share the dislike that some do at least some of those uses have been in response to my discussion belongs there? I was the lack of serious music for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: Do you know how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant to the collection.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of another piece that is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a larger number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's a pity that it's about Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini".

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been said to have dictated the length must be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then an oboe does not necessarily make it "stupid"? You called the piece didn't have "Variations" in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I was the one you heard?

Play: