Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Exactly which argument of mine have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You should talk, a self-admitted troll.

Play:

Say: You might want to reconsider your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you need him to say that a good one.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: The key word here is one of them.

Play:

Say: There is a lie. My name has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I already know the meaning of the word.

Play:

Say: It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: I said that you would now play the last note of the Rachmaninoff. I made "that one".

Play:

Say: The fact that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said that the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that some do at least some of the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: I didn't say it was more than simply teach, and there is no one "right" length.

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Where is this alleged refusal? To refuse to provide the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the claim that it's shorter than Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I'm willing to accept my own question. It was the lack of a larger number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do so.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play: