Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I'm not the fault of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: "What do you call whatever is sitting in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: That's not something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; you've got it backwards. "The guy ask question of me."

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe decides that it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the newsgroup in which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you're the one who called the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: That would be non sequitur, given that I never said that a piece that is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok was restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: I already have. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that I was the one discussing music.

Play:

Say: The theme of Niccolo Paganini represents the "same materials" in this case.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: John Doe who did that. He's the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you wanted.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Bingo, though they might prefer the term "symphonic band" or "symphonic winds", or "wind orchestra".

Play: