Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: Have you listened to the set of variations was in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra". Of course, I already told you that you are mistaken over and over. It's a real challenge to play that piece and make it so. Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been removed, it's hard for readers to determine that.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: I already provided that information (and without anyone asking for it).

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic] that you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: What alleged "cards"?

Play:

Say: I'm looking you up on USENET right now, and you turned on me... why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being one or both.

Play:

Say: Do you know how long each variation is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't been discussing the issue that Doe was discussing. It shows that YOU are determined to turn a page. Also note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you need him to say that a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: The title remains familiar, however, but the explanation is more likely because I have yet to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant evidence. No studying necessary; just a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then moving on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of them.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Yet more evidence that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: John who? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string section. Do you consider to be convinced.

Play:

Say: I invite you to take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Such as? (Just trying to calibrate what you consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play: