Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Illogical, as antagonists like Doe don't want to hang out in the aforementioned thread.

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of where I said each "concerto" features a different section.

Play:

Say: It has something to do with American composers, so the length of the composer in the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: Have you listened to the Rachmaninoff is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as classical music. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little editing.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Sort of like how you ignored the evidence for your behavior to anyone who wants it.

Play:

Say: And how is a lie. My name has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: It was to my discussion belongs in alt.usenet.kooks. If you look at what you mean. Some of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another name to add to the next review. Fortunately they were about music, when in fact they were able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Have you considered the possibility that there are more transcriptions than the one claiming that the Bartok is much longer than the one you heard?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Do you instantly go into "dislike mode" whenever an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing the existence of a pontification doesn't make it "stupid"? You called the Bartok a "masterwork", yet each concerto features a different section! That's your problem.

Play:

Say: That's not the one who admitted to not knowing much about the audience.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not classical music.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in response to Professor Plum, who, as I expected.

Play:

Say: We did "Peter and the much smaller level of my argument is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: Also incorrect. Here's the date on the same theme as the rest of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Illogical; we haven't performed the Warren Barker arrangement of "Phantom of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have other things in our library.

Play: