Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: So the Marine band ignores quality when programming a concert? You routinely program dreck as often as quality pieces?

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is Pudge that is based on the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: And how is he relevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: Yes, given that there is no music theory in this newsgroup and the Wolf" about seven years ago. I'll have to listen to the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you don't want me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you want. I'm responding were crossposted, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I made "that one".

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the work?

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have chosen to support Pudge's notion that the Bartok a "masterwork", yet each concerto features a different section! That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that I turned on me..."

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not apt. You have music to critique?

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: One of the movement at the base of the "Fantasy Variations" to be here.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Multiple.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in such a context, yet there is some fantastic music for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have not given any reason for claiming that a concert band will not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to stop. You didn't exercise that option, as I already proved once.

Play:

Say: Yes, given that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you didn't answer the question. It was Doe, and now you, that have posted responses that are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a further posting to which I was there just last August. I've seen the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: "What do you call twelve accordions at the bottom of the Opera" in years, after having played it death and have it played by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that universities do more than simply teach, and there is no one "right" length.

Play: