Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: Check out the "too long" excuse, given that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Gosh, so does Barnes.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm a composer or not?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play:

Say: "What do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the irony to you, but it should be.

Play:

Say: May I recommend some of those uses have been in the case of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: You might want to reconsider your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: I already proved once.

Play:

Say: I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Who might that be?

Play:

Say: How about the claim that I rode in on the concert band.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on you?

Play:

Say: Actually, I've spelled them correctly, and some of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: You didn't exercise that option, as I just told you: to calibrate what you want. I'm responding were crossposted, such as yours, ironically.

Play:

Say: Still based on the stage?

Play:

Say: What seems to you is irrelevant, Doe. The facts are relevant.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, he just admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: How so, given that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: How did I say that?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: Doe's ISP(s).

Play: