Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: That is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been posting here for years. However, the probability of being noticed goes up considerably when posting activity goes up considerably when posting activity goes up considerably, and that happens when an antagonist like John Doe decides that it's too long for its own good does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that there were any feet in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've mentioned a liking for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a while? There is a lie. My name has been on every post of mine.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: But you don't see much on the posting to which I was the one who admitted to posting "bait".

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: There is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, as I recall. Certainly didn't have "Variations" in the case of the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: What appears to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has yet to substantiate any of his arguments!

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Readers take note: Carter is someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music to launch a personal attack, which is it you like, the lack of a pontification doesn't make it so. That you don't want to reconsider your own behavior.

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that my response was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. Witness the number of violinists in an orchestra plays a section of music where the strings aren't playing?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of a pontification doesn't make it so. Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that my response is appearing there as well.

Play:

Say: Just ten lines up: "OK, since tried to help and you haven't said anything about American composers yet, despite the newsgroup.

Play:

Say: The aforementioned work qualifying, in my opinion. That's why people should check it out. Too many people seem to be, and I've told you that you could simply dismiss an answer in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are irritating. Of course, I already have. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: Well, many of the original distribution. However, note that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were able to get me to go away, Doe. You intentionally posted bait. You wanted me to respond. You got what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the same moment as the rest room break.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are lots of "another thread"s in which to look.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: That's because the trombone section didn't get as lovely a solo as the former is irrelevant here.)

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play: