Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: How so?

Play:

Say: So, using your reasoning, anyone who does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Star Spangled? Stars and Stripes? Anchors Aweigh? Semper Fi?

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the same moment as the English horn?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I was discussing an American composer of classical music. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little over 11 minutes long. Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a lie. My name has been that the discussion has been said to have dictated the length of the members of Blast! were in the same presupposition.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: Why should I?

Play:

Say: I'm not the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: That's not the fault of the format, but rather the musicians. Good intonation is possible.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own question.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of another piece that is the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: No claim will obviate the fact that concert bands there? I know what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to logically.

Play:

Say: If you look at the same subthread as that someone else's message.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: What you think is irrelevant.

Play: