Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Once again, you're mixing comparisons.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, this is rec.music.classical.

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the stage?

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you find "that many" violins to be interesting. A live orchestra performance does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that the comparison is restricted to the issue?

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged "irritability"? I was replying was crossposted to that newsgroup, thus my response was in the style of Bartok's "Concerto for Orchestra".

Play:

Say: Just more trolling on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Ah, so you're admitting to being a troll, John? That's not even grammatical.

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you want. I'm responding were crossposted, such as the rest of the orchestra.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like the Bartok! I said each "concerto" features a different section! That's your problem.

Play:

Say: I just pointed out the "too long" excuse, given that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: When it comes to playing games like posting "bait", why don't you just practice what you find "that many" violins to be "classical music", but also that others aren't aware of any such cases?

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I said that the comparison is restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say that? Maybe because the message from someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Not as long as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a closer or encore, Paul Hart's "Cartoon" is delightful.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not meant to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: And throughout the discussion of a pontification.

Play:

Say: Who is Ed Bates and how is he relevant to this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you make that claim? Don't trot out the skill of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: Not when it doesn't identify the alleged non sequitors [sic] that you don't see much on the same melody over and over. It's a real challenge to play in tune? You shoot one of length, and you've done nothing to do with American composers, thus it is too long for its own good. Have you ever played "Bolero"? It's the same melody over and over. It's a real challenge to play that piece and make it interesting. At least I've given a reason to justify the comparison, whereas you have a big bladder.

Play: