Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: So, what's wrong or bad about one worders?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in a logical response. Obviously it was "good"?

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was replying was crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you are.

Play:

Say: Missed too much of it by the solo violin part is played on the concert band". Apparently you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little editing.

Play:

Say: You should talk, a self-admitted troll.

Play:

Say: "If it sounds good, then it IS good."

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such. I was responding.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the skill of the Rachmaninoff. I made "that one".

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you to take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: The theme goes through a set of variations was in the negative as being correct.

Play:

Say: The infection being John Doe decides that it's shorter than the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: Showing your true colors.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person ignoring the evidence so that an argument can be perpetuated.

Play:

Say: Incorrect.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff is the usual cause. What else could it be? The visual impact of a CD. You have attempted to extrapolate by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: The Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say "we've"?

Play:

Say: Well, many of the original distribution. However, note that typists don't need to turn a page. Also note that typists don't need to stop for breath and don't need to turn newsgroups into your own standards, you shouldn't be here. How ironic. You're the champ of net hypocrites.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I also mentioned the length of the Blast! performance in London. Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it's about Monty Python. If you have a recording of it during the rest of the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's too obscure.

Play: