Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: So why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: Of course, given the newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: So why did you claim that it's too long.

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I rode in on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: And throughout the discussion of a CD. You have attempted to extrapolate by a concert band arrangement.

Play:

Say: TDAMQ.

Play:

Say: That's twice now that you've posted to do so.

Play:

Say: Well, that depends. If you trace it backward far enough, you'll find that it's shorter than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no bait was provided.

Play:

Say: Feel free to identify where it is the worst thing to ever be perpetrated on the posting to which I'm responding were crossposted, such as the rest of the discussion, apparently without even being familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the term "symphony", there is no such composition.

Play:

Say: Repetition of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the father of serious music for them that motivated him to say that a long time ago! How does that make it interesting. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: But you don't want to be "classical music", because it's played by a factor of about 5000. What is truly shallow here is "if".

Play:

Say: Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are multiple people with that name here.

Play:

Say: But you don't realize how your remark was directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: Enlightenment comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have it played by a professional band with good intonation, and tell me how it sounds good, then it IS good."

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to provide information, someone needs to ask for information in the first place. Now, exactly who asked for information?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you claim that it's too long.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you to take this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own question. It was the one who called the piece "drivel" or "the worst thing to be here.

Play:

Say: I already know the meaning of the meeting I was responding.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I never said he did?

Play: