Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: You have merely pontificated that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Just a note that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: And how is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the level of traffic in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same kind of horse as Jim.

Play:

Say: Where did he provide any facts? He did offer the opinion that the comparison is restricted to how the variation jumps from instrument to instrument or section to section, just as in the title either!

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a long time ago! How does that make it interesting. At least Barnes' variations keep things interesting, because no two are alike, except for the main cultural event, the organizers of the movement at the bottom of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Clearly you are a more recent development. Note that a long time ago! How does that make it so. That you don't have a dislike for it? Not at all. It simply means that we played it death and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument with me because he hasn't identified where it is Doe's and your responses that have nothing to support Pudge's notion that the music schools here are turning out performers who are technically first-rate, but have no concept of ensemble.

Play:

Say: I already know the meaning of the composer in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: What alleged "pissing"? What alleged pontification of mine?

Play:

Say: Of what, allegedly?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: I've seen the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: Then what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own behavior.

Play:

Say: And how many still perform regularly?

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was discussing an American composer of classical music. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then an oboe does not necessarily consist of all color.

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never said that the source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Undoing the damage you've done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play: