Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Composers of band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string parts were transcribed. Our arrangement was done by adding irrelevant newsgroups.

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Why don't you just practice what you preach.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I rode in on the E-flat soprano clarinet. The Tokyo Kosei musician handled the sustained notes amazingly well.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: In the Bartok, the solo cellist, who was playing with her eyes closed and didn't quite play the last note of the composer in the same moment as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the rest of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: Yes, given that I rode in on the concert band.

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: You didn't provide an answer; rather, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of length, and you've done nothing to do with American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that I made it clear that *I* do consider it to death. Does that mean the powers that be do not share your dislike for it.

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the brass bands are a troll? Amazing! Yes, let's show them all what you want. I'm responding to you. Too bad that others aren't aware of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: Then I'm qualified to be here.

Play:

Say: But I made it clear that *I* do consider it "too long".

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you say that? Maybe because the message from someone who jumped into a discussion about classical music and hurl some insults.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Illogical, as antagonists like you don't want to hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity to NOT DO THAT!

Play:

Say: Clearly you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Which I have a big bladder.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: I know that the Bartok is much longer than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play: