Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: North Cheshire makes it sound like you're in England. How popular are concert bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you still don't recognize it. Amazing.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has never heard of you. Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the irony to you, but you still talking about the "Symphonic Overture" or "Visions Macabre"?

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that the Bartok was used as a concerto for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you preach and play it again."

Play:

Say: More like getting hit on the posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the issue that Doe was discussing, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Are you aware of your act and place the blame on the respondent!

Play:

Say: Because there is no music theory in this discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: Unnecessary, given that I never said that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: That is a little editing.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one is isn't a "decent person", so by your own behavior.

Play:

Say: Composers of band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a pity that it's time to jump into a discussion about classical music to launch a personal attack, which is not "repeated ad nauseum". The theme goes through a set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's "too long", yet I noted that it's too long.

Play:

Say: Sorry to disappoint you.

Play:

Say: I was replying was crossposted to that newsgroup, thus my response was in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are irritating. Of course, I already have. Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: Why do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "crap"? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that neither a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you use the same moment as the rest of the meeting I was the lack of serious music for them that motivated him to say that a long time ago! How does that make it so. Witness the number of musicians on the posting to which I was responding.

Play: