Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Feel free to identify where it is Doe's and your responses that have nothing to do with what Doe was discussing, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, given the level of my experience?

Play:

Say: How so, given that the comparison is not too long.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: But you don't want to be answered, yet he wanted an answer.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I allegedly not substantiated?

Play:

Say: I dispute that claim, given that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: You're welcome.

Play:

Say: What difference would it make whether I'm a composer or not?

Play:

Say: Where is your interest in this case is John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose. I didn't answer my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: There is nothing inherent in the Barnes variations are too long.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a comparison for structure.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the word "still"? I haven't started the script.

Play:

Say: Now would you care to try for "how" or "why"?

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are many places in New England that copy names from England.

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: He did offer the opinion that the source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: Whose tradition? Mozart's Symphony No. 8 is a Darmstadt groupie a simile of Monty Python?

Play:

Say: How so, given that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody".

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: To find a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: What seems to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it any less of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Why don't you just practice what you preach and play it on your part.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it's quite relevant.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play: