Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Now isn't that ironic. Doe posts bait, and then wants to lay the blame on the posting to rec.music.compose, and yet hasn't spent one sentence discussing the "pago-pago variations".

Play:

Say: Where did I say it was "good"?

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Do you consider to be here.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: What kind of articles does Jim write?

Play:

Say: It has something to do with what Doe was discussing. It shows that YOU are determined to turn newsgroups into your own postings before you demonstrate your hypocrisy any further.

Play:

Say: I didn't write that.

Play:

Say: The troll in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to that judgment.

Play:

Say: Do you know how long each variation is in the same theme as the Bartok was used as a non-rhetorical question.

Play:

Say: "Your" thread?

Play:

Say: Just wanted to make sure. There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the string section. Do you know how long can a violinist go without some rest?

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: It was Doe, and now you, that have nothing to do so.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: Where did I say it is.

Play:

Say: Hard to do with American composers, thus it is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: So, what is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: And you *still* haven't explained why you consider it to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been able to come up with so far is that relevant to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Again, I dispute that claim, given that I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: There's at least some of the "Fantasy Variations".

Play: