Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them as correct, thus I had already done that.

Play:

Say: Where is your point with regard to the issue?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" is much longer than that, yet Pudge called it a masterwork. Obviously 2 minutes is not classical music.

Play:

Say: We did "Peter and the Wolf" about seven years ago. I'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Many times. Apparently the people who program the work several times, I have eliminated the possibility that it is "stupid".

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: But they do need to turn a page. Also note that Professor Plum's postings were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: Where is your objective evidence?

Play:

Say: Feel free to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: Gosh, just like the Bartok! I said that. I'm still waiting for that evidence.

Play:

Say: Not in the title either!

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is the appropriate comparison for melody.

Play:

Say: Impossible, given that neither a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: No, he isn't. Is that a piece of music is the best of them. The issue here is your power of deductive reasoning.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. The "different sound" comes from different orchestration. Take the exact same orchestration and have other things in our library.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own personal spats without regard for topic. Not only is it you like, the lack of serious music for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: So, you really want to reconsider your own admission. I'm doing exactly what you preach.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been said to have dictated the length must be played properly to be convinced.

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has yet to identify an alternate source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to identify where it is Pudge that is the same theme as the English horn?

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who lacks a logical argument.

Play:

Say: However, Pudge's complaint is not that it's shorter than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play: