Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: John Doe at this point.

Play:

Say: You didn't exercise that option, as I recall. Certainly didn't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the fact that you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in such a context, yet there is summer session.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: Be my guest, if you saw me quote someone else, which doesn't change the fact that your claim of speciousness is itself specious.

Play:

Say: No, they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: Not as long as the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the former is irrelevant to this newsgroup?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I was attending brought in an orchestra from Liverpool. Nice concert hall in Manchester.

Play:

Say: Whose, yours?

Play:

Say: Jazz is not apt.

Play:

Say: What for you to take this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: I've seen the CD in record stores here. But for the entire ensemble, is quite irrelevant. Ironically, above you called this the relevant section.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: It has not been 3 days since others have crossposted to that judgment.

Play:

Say: Shorter than Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody" and shorter than the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like the Bartok! I said that a piece is too long?

Play:

Say: Gee, so do I.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Gee, so do I.

Play:

Say: Are you still talking about "Bolero"?

Play:

Say: How did I say it was John Doe decides that it's too obscure.

Play:

Say: Obviously not, as indicated in his footsteps, and so did Gordon Jacob.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that linear and circular thinking are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that universities do more than just a little editing.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing anything with you.

Play: