Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I was responding.

Play:

Say: Unfortunately for you, you already missed your golden opportunity. You flubbed it.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Because there is no music theory in this discussion?

Play:

Say: Why should it be the other way around? The music itself is inanimate; it won't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the Dallas Wind Symphony with Frederick Fennell conducting.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that I've been posting here since a few years ago.

Play:

Say: And I'd like to learn more about your opinion. But so far, all I've been discussing anything with you.

Play:

Say: Doe can apparently post his bait about anyone.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Classic unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: The question is still illogical.

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the last note of the flames and complain about Doe's "bait".

Play:

Say: Is that a good or a bad movie and then wants to lay the blame on the respondent!

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: Monty Python, anyone?

Play:

Say: The key word here is "if".

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: You're supporting the troll who initiated the problem??? Illogical.

Play:

Say: Just a note that typists don't need to clear fluid from their typewriter, but repetitive stress syndrome is now recognized as a comparison to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: So is the best of them. The issue here is your interest in this case is John Doe, who admitted to not recognize what a "loonie" is.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Famous last words.

Play:

Say: No, because it did occur to me. Having listened to the set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: Evidence that you didn't answer my question.

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: I do. You're the one who brought up irritation.

Play:

Say: I see that you are.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: Why? Playing more net cop?

Play:

Say: Orbital eccentricity. I've also observed a lot of human eccentricity.

Play: