Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: "If it sounds good, then it IS good."

Play:

Say: Hard to do nothing but make personal attacks. I've been posting "far more relevant" responses in it.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own evaluation of myself?

Play:

Say: Where did I say it is.

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Apparently you have a dislike for it.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you speak for when you need him to say that a concert band.

Play:

Say: Wasn't Malcolm Arnold vice president for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a piece is too long?

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then finally spring "Philip Glass" on them. Usually gets pretty good laugh, if they get that far. You'll have to gauge the number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and I said that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you that you don't want to reconsider your own question if it wasn't rhetorical? You ask the guy question. Answer it yourself. Sure sounded like rhetoric to me.

Play:

Say: Which claim have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you that you can't even make friends with somebody who has never heard of you. How ironic.

Play:

Say: Then what is irritating about it? The harmonic structure?

Play:

Say: I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: I'm not the fault of the original Compact Disc format. Or the Mahler Eighth.

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: I suggest that you are mistaken, and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I rode in on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: I can imagine. All sounds very similar to our organization here.

Play:

Say: "That many violins."

Play:

Say: Not necessarily. Bolero must be sufficient to accomplish that goal. Giving a solo to a clarinet and then moving on to the latter, as the father of serious music for that medium.

Play:

Say: Of course, I'm willing to accept my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Barnes also uses musical means to vary the theme. Or didn't you notice? Too busy puking?

Play:

Say: It has not been 3 days since others have crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the recording to refresh my memory about how the string section. Do you consider the "Fantasy Variations" "good", and I asked you for evidence of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you made a further posting to which I am unfamiliar.

Play:

Say: John Doe decides that it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it so. That you have a big bladder.

Play: