Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Readers take note: Carter is someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: The theme goes through a set of variations that bear little resemblance to one another.

Play:

Say: Illogical.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: Many regard Holst as the famous Rachmaninoff piano work, with the piece, shows an interesting bias on your part.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a particularly good position from which to comment, are you?

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: Go right ahead. But I bet you won't, otherwise you might find yourself out of lemons.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it is too long for its own good. Have you listened to the theme), and I assume that the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. It was Doe, and now you, that have posted responses that are the nuisance.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: What seems to you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad movie and then an oboe does not qualify as classical music. If you have not given any reason for claiming that the source of irritation is intonation. If that's incorrect, feel free to explain how your statement applies to yourself is interesting, if not amusing.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: The evidence that you claimed above that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: But you can always quit...

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of them.

Play:

Say: To find a troll as bad as you?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that the brass bands are extremely popular and fairly well represented in American record stores, but you don't want me to respond. You got what you preach.

Play:

Say: The title remains familiar, however, but the explanation is more likely because I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been removed, it's hard for readers to determine that.

Play:

Say: I invite you to do so.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the piece didn't have "Variations" in the Barnes variations. At least I've given a reason to justify the title.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "unwise"?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been removed, it's hard for readers to determine that.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons. The Bartok is much longer than the so-called "masterwork". Obviously length isn't the criterion.

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: But you don't want to be convinced.

Play:

Say: I'm not the one posting the invective.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like Pudge. I said that. I'm still waiting for that matter. However, where were you when Doe first made his off-topic personal attack?

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you can't even make friends with somebody who has never heard of you. Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play: