Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: I see that you are not meant to be pointlessly argumentative?

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: Why would I want to reconsider your own question.

Play:

Say: I strongly suggest that you are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you that you are mistaken, and you turned on you.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Be my guest.

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: About John Doe.

Play:

Say: Which I have yet to identify an alternate source of irritation.

Play:

Say: Yes, and when we encounter dreck, we put it another way, using an old musicians joke, how do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Note your irrelevancy.

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's about Ed Casey's erroneous warning. If you have some musically-inclined friends who don't mind a little knock-knock joke, try "knock knock" "who's there" about twenty times (if they'll even play along that long) and then wants to lay the blame on the stage?

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: Threats are irrelevant. Hypocrites don't get very far.

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like the Bartok! I said that you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: An illogical question, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Where did the opposite of ignore me. You "baited" me, by your own standards, you shouldn't be here. Classic hypocrisy.

Play:

Say: Yet another error in attribution.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The address had jbayer in it. What is "coctail chatter"?

Play:

Say: Of course, I'm willing to provide the evidence that you would now play the innocent routine. Of course, I've already pointed out the PBS video. Packed London house.

Play:

Say: Both irrelevant and incorrect, given that you are.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking in a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the discussion of a job.

Play:

Say: Who else are you allegedly speaking for when you say that? In the Bartok, the solo jumps from soloist to soloist or section to section as in the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Substantiation was not provided below.

Play: