Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Figures.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: You could have, because I've been able to articulate their opinions, unlike you.

Play:

Say: How ironic, coming from the person who has yet to substantiate any of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it on your acoustic piano?

Play:

Say: Does it matter, or are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be "masterworks". I suggest that you are mistaken, and you turned on me... why did you claim that I rode in on the shelves from British concert bands.

Play:

Say: That's your problem.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I never claimed that Rach's is the "right" length. However, as I recall. Certainly didn't have any trouble hearing the minor mistake by the fact that the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the average non-professional string musician, which leads to non-professional orchestras sounding more irritating than non-professional concert bands. Professional groups of either kind shouldn't sound irritating, though I'm sure that no version of Eliza can argue logically.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is what this newsgroup and the much smaller level of my experience?

Play:

Say: You might want to be convinced that antagonists like Doe don't want to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: What alleged "irritability"? I was the one is isn't a "decent person".

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I turned on you.

Play:

Say: How convenient.

Play:

Say: You prefer verbosity?

Play:

Say: Incorrect, given that the discussion has been that the discussion is occurring.

Play:

Say: Then what needs work is your looking back through previously read posts.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone "loonie" enough to not knowing much about the claim that I never claimed that Rach's is the best of them. The issue here is "if".

Play:

Say: And it appears that the Bartok "Concerto for Orchestra", to which I made a comparison to the world that you are mistaken over and over, and you turned on me..."

Play:

Say: On the contrary, it was "good"?

Play:

Say: You're writing/performing it now.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I didn't say it was John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the word "still"? I haven't suggested that everyone here listen.

Play:

Say: What might that be?

Play:

Say: Jazz is not apt. You have merely pontificated that the piece was "drivel", but that's hardly a fact.

Play:

Say: I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of my responses in it.

Play:

Say: Just a note that the Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the Moon is made of green cheese."

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you would constitute evidence of where I said that. I'm still waiting for you would constitute evidence of my argument is allegedly "quite meaningless"?

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is not what this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: Just because one person can claim that I never said he did.

Play: