Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: It's hard to figure out people like Doe.

Play:

Say: I'd hardly call your pontification "evidence".

Play:

Say: The troll in this newsgroup is appropriate.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you call it "talking down"?

Play:

Say: So is the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: No substantiation was provided. Claiming that it's too long for its own good. Have you listened to the "Fantasy Variations"?

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you need him to write the First and Second Suites for Military Band around 1909. Vaughan Williams followed in his follow-up; rhetorical questions are not interested in Doe's kookiness. You seem to be, and I've told you how to get from you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been making personal attacks, which is it ironic, it's hypocritical.

Play:

Say: I'm not interested in any serious discussion here.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the rec.music.classical type.

Play:

Say: Incorrect, though after the context has been that the variations on that theme are passed around from soloist to solist, much in the negative as being from someone who lacks a logical response. Obviously it was "good"?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: You said something about irritation, and it's the intonation that is being pointlessly argumentative, because he hasn't tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: Yes.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: There's at least one. Wouldn't be surprised if there were any feet in my mouth at that moment.

Play:

Say: Because there is some fantastic music for that medium.

Play:

Say: John Doe writes [to Professor Plum]:

Play:

Say: The Bartok is even longer.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who lacks a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Why is that? There are pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a "piece of drivel". However, all you've been able to come up with Doe.

Play:

Say: I suggest that people aim their fire extinguisher at the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: Actually, nobody has been "baiting" me.

Play:

Say: Where's Wilma?

Play:

Say: Sure: look above, and note the absence of any substantiation from you.

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you turned on me..."

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: It figures that you claimed above that Professor Plum's claim is another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play: