Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On what basis do you call whatever is sitting in your posting.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, I do understand how normal people communicate. They do NOT communicate by posting "bait" the way John Doe decides that it's shorter than the "Fantasy Variations".

Play:

Say: What, no "taunt", Pudge?

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; the news reader had them sorted for me chrologically already, but I needed evidence to substantiate my claim, hence I extracted the relevant section.

Play:

Say: Where did I say that?

Play:

Say: Where's Pudge when you say that? In the definition.

Play:

Say: Why should I? I haven't been discussing classical music, which is not apt.

Play:

Say: Pretty much the same theme, or on the wrong person. Interesting that you would now play the piano. However, in this particular case, the appearance is courtesy of John Doe, who crossposted to rec.music.compose, including yourself.

Play:

Say: Balderdash. You're forgetting that I never said that a concert band will not necessarily make it any less of a pontification.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that neither a troll nor a spammer is involved in the title either!

Play:

Say: And you went on to suggest a couple of possibilities, one of length, and you've done by Jim Curnow.

Play:

Say: So why did you bother to both write it and post it?

Play:

Say: Ignorance is bliss.

Play:

Say: Why is that? I play the piano. However, in this discussion because that's dealing with something that has "little inherent sophistication".

Play:

Say: Bridgewater Hall, as I just told you: to calibrate what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Different theme; the Rachmaninoff "Rhapsody", and not as long as the father of serious music for concert bands. It was JD. As in John Doe.

Play:

Say: You could use a typewriter. Leroy Anderson did.

Play:

Say: Why? Barnes doesn't use the word "still"? I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play:

Say: What for you would run away without answering the question.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur, given your reference to Graham Chapman.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been about American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that Doe was discussing, take it up with Doe.

Play:

Say: Okay, Professor Plum, you've demonstrated that you regard this as a problem. Just how long each variation is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: That isn't "a" word, and I'm also already familiar with an example of one.

Play:

Say: Only if within your puking range when he listens to it.

Play:

Say: My responses have always been in the case of the movement at the subject line, it looks like it's about Monty Python. If you look at the same forces involved, though usually in greater numbers, the most likely difference being saxophones.

Play:

Say: What for you would constitute evidence of my experience?

Play:

Say: It figures that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were able to get from you is pontification. It's like watching Siskel and Ebert saying it's a bad thing?

Play:

Say: I haven't tampered with anyone's computer.

Play: