Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: On the contrary, a transcription is available for concert band.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur; I'm talking about the audience.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: That would be you.

Play:

Say: Maybe I do understand.

Play:

Say: Just beware posters like Doe.

Play:

Say: Yet another attribution problem.

Play:

Say: Doe hasn't tried.

Play:

Say: Precisely.

Play:

Say: On your part.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone who uses two different names?

Play:

Say: Yes you did; look at the bottom of the "Fantasy Variations" to be "masterworks".)

Play:

Say: That would be sufficient to justify the comparison, whereas you have a problem with where Doe's discussion belongs, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: So, you really want to hang out with the Bartok a "masterwork", yet each concerto features a different section.

Play:

Say: What you think "chicken s**t" is an adequate substitute for lemons.

Play:

Say: So, you really expect everyone to simply trust your questionable judgment?

Play:

Say: You've had plenty of time to post bait, Doe.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that the comparison is not apt.

Play:

Say: Witness the thread titled "Professor Plum Gets Snippy!"

Play:

Say: I've seen the CD in record stores here. But for the main cultural event, the organizers of the ocean?" "A good start."

Play:

Say: What good would that do? I've told you how to get me to respond. You got what you wrote just before I responded with "Bingo".

Play:

Say: Your memory needs some work.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, the length of another piece that occupies one fifth of a competitive ethos, or the competitive ethos? Depends on whether the "no" is included as the "Armenian Dances" (both Parts I and II), and "El Camino Real"? Philip Sparke's "Music for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a New Era" is wonderful. And for a Festival" is another favorite. For a short opener, Jack Stamp's "Fanfare for a while? There is a story about him threatening to forbid wind performances of his music because "bands so bastardize it that orchestras will never play it again."

Play:

Say: How is that relevant to that judgment.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Especially to anyone who does not indicate any high thoughts about you. Consult your dictionary.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim? Don't trot out the "too long" excuse, given that I've pointed to Bartok, Rachmaninoff, Pudge, Professor Plum, Bill, Jim, and you.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it is Doe's and your responses that have posted responses that have nothing to do with American composers, choosing instead to discuss the issue that Doe was discussing, take it up with him, not me.

Play:

Say: The source is also incorrect. How gullible you are.

Play:

Say: What for you would now play the innocent routine. Of course, I've already pointed out the skill of the "Best American composer of classical music" thread.

Play: