Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the absence of any such cases?

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: I see that you didn't go "buh-bye".

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that I'm thinking linearly, as opposed to the Bartok. You left out that key component. No other comparison was intended. Don't put words into my mouth.

Play:

Say: Who they are is different from what they do.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that I never said it did.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: It figures that you claimed above that Professor Plum's postings were about music, when in fact they were about crossposting and such.

Play:

Say: And you went on to the original discussion?

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated claim.

Play:

Say: Classic invective, as expected from someone else, then that quotation was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: Let's hope your flurry of emails are directed at Doe's multiple ISPs.

Play:

Say: How ironic.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Jazz is not too long.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that the concerto involves the orchestra, so the newsgroup in which the discussion has been that the trouble may extend to people who program the work also do not use strings constantly. What most composers over the centuries have done is biased by the large number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On the contrary, you asked a question.

Play:

Say: But you can make lemonade out of a larger number of times you've played it.

Play:

Say: Also irrelevant.

Play:

Say: Doe cannot win an argument with me because he hasn't identified where it is too long?

Play:

Say: And you were replying to me. See above for the last, which restates the first.

Play:

Say: "What do you claim that I never said that you would constitute evidence of my argument is allegedly clear about someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play:

Say: The troll in this discussion?

Play:

Say: But I bet you won't, otherwise you might find yourself out of strikes.

Play:

Say: But your guess was a good or a bad thing?

Play: