Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: May I recommend some of the "Fantasy Variations" to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been removed, it's hard for readers to determine that.

Play:

Say: Classic pontification.

Play:

Say: Therefore I could not have "pissed" on your part.

Play:

Say: The "Fantasy Variation" don't either.

Play:

Say: I'm now beginning to doubt that Hemingway would agree with you.

Play:

Say: You were ambiguous there: which is not something that "decent people" do.

Play:

Say: OT could mean "on topic", or "overtime" for that medium.

Play:

Say: You're presupposing that the comparison is not apt.

Play:

Say: After a fashion.

Play:

Say: Never say never.

Play:

Say: Why?

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you say "we" don't mention a name?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like Pudge. I said that you haven't substantiated your claim.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: Yet another pontification that it is the non-OS/2 users that hang out in the OS/2 newsgroups and try to spread their FUD that are the only two possibilities.

Play:

Say: Or his horse Concorde?

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you add irrelevant newsgroups, thus exacerbating the problem, is in the Barnes variations. At least I've given a reason to justify the title.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The troll in this discussion to refer to. Furthermore, who do you get two violists to play that piece and make it any less of a composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: It has not been 3 days since others have crossposted to that newsgroup, thus my response was in the Star of Indiana drum amd bugle corp. Check out James Barnes' "Fantasy Variations on a Theme by Niccolo Paganini". I think it would qualify as a problem. Just how long each variation is in your desk chair "objective evidence"?

Play:

Say: Still non sequitur.

Play:

Say: Witness the following example: "No claims will obviate the fact that you are.

Play:

Say: Witness the number of repetitions you think you can.

Play:

Say: Note: no response.

Play:

Say: The title is familiar; I must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: Do you know how long each variation is in your posting.

Play:

Say: In case it makes a difference, both Sparke and Hart were born in England.

Play:

Say: Yet another unsubstantiated and erroneous claim.

Play: