Instructions

Alternate sections are marked Say and Play. The Say sections are spoken or sung to an improvised tune in a stentorian and condescending manner, as a traffic court judge lecturing a recidivist speeder. Read as though the text makes perfect sense, even though its grammar and meaning may make sudden, unexpected turns.

The Play sections use an ordinary five-line staff with oval note heads () interspersed with diamond () and cross () note heads. Play in a manner that contrasts with the lecturer's attitude. Be mocking or solicitous or calm or resigned or anything else appropriate.

• I've used bar lines set off groups of notes. Groups should be observed by accent, phrasing, pauses or some other way.
• The cross () indicates some non-standard noise, like a multiphonic or a strum behind the bridge or a dropped drumstick or a cheese-grater arpeggio or something else. Use your imagination.
• The diamond () indicates a note that is one semitone (in either direction) different from the preceding note.
• Rhythm, tempo and dynamics are entirely up to the performer. Since no clef is specified, you can pick that as well.

You can play in concert with other performers, who may play other versions of this piece, or other any other materials, composed or improvised. When playing with others, the Say sections should be performed as disruptively as possible, and the Play sections should be played sensitively, with utmost regard to enhancing the performance of the other players.

Score

Say: It's not your choice. History has already portrayed you as someone who likes such things. Direct complaints accordingly.

Play:

Say: Evidence, please. Where have I inappropriately used "irrelevant"?

Play:

Say: You're mixing comparisons, just like the Bartok! I said that. I'm still waiting for that medium.

Play:

Say: Irrelevant, given that you "had no idea"...

Play:

Say: Gee, so do I.

Play:

Say: So, you're not in a logical argument.

Play:

Say: The other two what?

Play:

Say: I am.

Play:

Say: Readers take note: Carter is someone who lacks a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: Incorrect; my justification is that relevant to that newsgroup, thus my response was in that same "different subthread".

Play:

Say: You must have performed it, but too many years ago.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Actually, relatively few pieces have an E-flat clarinet part.

Play:

Say: You're erroneously presupposing that it is too long for its own good. Have you considered the possibility that it is Doe's and your responses that have nothing to do so.

Play:

Say: Those were the guesses. I identified one of which was acknowledged as being from someone who lacks a logical fashion.

Play:

Say: Non sequitur.

Play:

Say: On what basis do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Who else are you tossing in another irrelevancy to be perpetrated on the stage isn't what you consider it to be irritating? Indeed, my experience has been said to have dictated the length of the "Best American composer of classical music.

Play:

Say: Yet another name to add to the Rachmaninoff is the non-OS/2 users that hang out with you and other kooks?

Play:

Say: And how is he relevant to the issue?

Play:

Say: Incorrect: the key item is immediately above, namely the attribution; then note the following text OK, since tried to help and you haven't changed your antagonistic attitude.

Play:

Say: That's your justification for calling another work "stupid"! You're internally inconsistent!

Play:

Say: You must have a dislike for it? Not at all. It simply means that we played it to me, but I didn't know Holst wasn't born there. Where was he born?

Play:

Say: To judge its quality for themselves. Or do you make that claim?

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: Glad you agree.

Play:

Say: And you're willing to accept my own question. It figures.

Play:

Say: You should, because Pudge complained about the claim that the average non-professional wind musician has better intonation than the "Fantasy Variations" sometime, or Reed's "Armenian Dances", or Schmitt's "Dionysiaques". At least one record company calls band music as pieces written for orchestra that exclude the wind section, so one could consider serious band music "America's New Classical Music"; it's a fact doesn't necessarily make it any less of a job.

Play:

Say: Illogical, given that the comparison is restricted to who plays the melody of each variation).

Play: